Daily Life

You Know You’re a Celiac If….

  • you’ve ever had to give a doctor a crash course in Celiac 101
  • a 7 course meal is a 1 course meal for you. Lettuce.
  • you’ve glared at friends in envy while they dig fork first into a birthday cake, while lying about “being ok with it”
  • you’ve disowned loved ones because they put their gluten-y knife in your peanut butter jar
  • you pack an extra suitcase filled with food when you go on trips
  • your friends think you’re crazy for not trying the amazing cupcakes at the dining hall. Surely a little taste couldn’t hurt?
  • you become very good a labeling everything as “gluten free ONLY”
  • you’ve had dreams about Wonder Bread
  • you’ve had nightmares in which you give into temptation and eat an entire baguette.
  • you get extremely heated anytime something like a chicken dish has unnecessary gluten in it. Like, really? Why do people feel the need to put gluten in everything??!
  • you read the ingredients in literally everything. Including single ingredient items like honey and green tea. Just in case.
  • it bugs you when people say they “understand what you are going through” when they are vegetarian or on a “real food” diet.
  • you’ve refused things as simple as gum and candies because it would take too much effort to figure out if it’s gluten free.
  • people insist on cooking/baking you something gluten free but you plead them not to, knowing that the risk of cross contamination of too high for you to eat it comfortably.
  • you circulate to the same five restaurants because you know that you can eat there safely, and it is too much research to try and find a new restaurant.
  • you’ve mastered the art of lying when people ask if you are hungry
  • you look at other peoples’ fridges and pantries just to see what normal people eat, and you try to remember the last time you ate those foods.
  • you eat before you go out to eat with friends
  • you compare all your food to “normal people food”
  • you can locate the words “gluten free” within 5 seconds of looking at a food item
  • you watch in wonder as someone eats a big plate of spaghetti. Oh, the things that would happen if you were doing that.
  • you put on gloves when you are forced to make non gluten free food for a party
  • you are probably the only college student who regularly shops at Whole Foods just because you know that no matter what, you will be accepted there.
  • you feel awkward trying to order pizza with friends because they will have to pay like $5 extra each so that you can get the gluten free pizza. Which is half the size of the normal pizzas.
  • you’ve ordered just a side of rice and vegetables at a restaurant before.
  • you’ll hug people with a cough and a runny nose but you won’t let a person with a cookie touch you.
  • you buy the overpriced gluten free pumpkin loaf at your local coffeehouse just because they have it and you want to express your appreciation.

What “You Know You’re a Celiac When…”s have you come upon?

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